Lucy's Library

I've been sick for most of this week. Retrospectively, it probably came on around Tuesday afternoon, but by Wednesday evening, I was definitely sick-sick. Full body aches, massive fatigue, congestion, headache, intermittent cough, etc. Flu and Covid tests yesterday were both negative, so it's apparently some other random influenza-like illness. I slept most of Thanksgiving and a decent chunk of yesterday. I am starting to feel better today, I think- the achiness is gone and I managed enough energy for a shower. Still congested and tired, but I don't quite feel like I'm swimming through glue. I am very thankful for grocery delivery this year.

I am missing Family Thanksgiving today, though, which makes me sad. But there's no way I was going to risk giving this bug to my parents or my aunt and uncle. Fortunately The Game (Ohio State vs Michigan) is on Fox, which is a channel I get on the antenna, so I can at least watch. I have my Script Ohio tshirt on, so hopefully that's good luck. I definitely would like to break the two game losing streak in this game.

Spent a chunk of today doing what I call Flitter Cleaning. Mostly it means I do something until I need to sit down and then do something else that catches my eye after a rest. I don't set a timer or make a list, I just do things as they occur to me. It's certainly not the most efficient method of cleaning, but it does mean that something will get done if I'm having the sort of day where my brain will absolutely rebel against any sort of structure. But there are pockets of cleaner spaces now, and some clean laundry, and food in the fridge, so I'll take it.

I was reading back through old entries and there was a point in time where I thought I was an absolute mess but I was seriously miles above the level I'm operating at now. Like, I used to meal prep. Hell, I used to *cook*. That was a depressing revelation.

 So. Still alive. Still at home, mostly. I've been vaccinated since the beginning of May, but still being very cautious. 

Work has decided we are going back in September (barring major Delta surge here. It's not great here in Ohio, but it's not nearly as severe as say, Florida). We're going back hybrid, mostly because everyone pitched a major fit when they said we were going back full time. My team was always going to be hybrid, so it didn't matter to us (we'd be permanently remote if my boss had his way. The rest of the IT departments are going to permanent remote, but we are apparently not enough of an IT team to count). However, they are doing three days with everyone in and two days at home, which makes no sense from a distancing standpoint, but does make sense from a business standpoint when the management didn't want to do hybrid to begin with. 

They aren't going to mandate vaccines. There was a survey about vaccination statuses, but it was voluntary. I asked if we could find out what the percentage was, although that's probably going to be overstated, given that I suspect that vaccinated folks were overrepresented in the survey. Local rate is about 51%. I also asked if we could find out if there had been any building improvements in terms of ventilation, etc. because it's an open plan office.

So, I have masks and I just bought some 2.5 ppm mask filters, which should help. I am taking a trip to Denver later this month, and I've got a N95 for that (with the elastic around the head loops, not just the ear loops). We're going to a water resort type hotel thing for my nephew's birthday. We planned this before things started getting hairy again, and I'm not entirely sure it's a fantastic idea at this point, but we're all vaccinated (except my nephew who is turning 7, so he can't be yet) so it's probably safe? I guess? My doctor has told me that he's not concerned about me at this point, because I respond well to vaccines and my lung functions are basically normal at this point, so if I did get sick, it would probably not be too bad. We'll see- there's another 2 weeks before we go, so maybe things will improve? Maybe? My risk tolerance is pretty low, so this could be interesting. 

 I am okay? Mostly. I was very freaked out last week when there was a lot of uncertainty about what was going to happen, but now that things are shut down and I'm working from home and I don't need to leave the house, I am calmer. 

This weekend was pretty rough, though, since I started running a fever (which I almost never do- my immune system just doesn't respond that way) and coughing, but wasn't congested or anything. That was scary. But, I was breathing fine, so it wasn't an emergency, and so the Health Department said to call my PCP. My PCP's office isn't setting in-person appointments at the moment, so I had to message my doctor, who told me that I'd be considered very low risk at the moment for contracting COVID-19, since I haven't been travelling or in contact with anyone who's sick, as far as I know. So, no testing, because they're only testing people who have been knowingly exposed or are bad enough to be in the hospital. Because there aren't enough tests. Because our federal government is fucking stupid (However, I'm very pleased with my state government's response which was to start shutting it down days before anyone else really was, including places that have many more confirmed cases than we do). Anyway. 

I've mostly stopped coughing, fortunately. I'm still slightly feverish (for levels of feverish that correspond with my individual body- it was 99.5 earlier), but I don't feel terrible. Mom figures I might have a really mild case of the flu or some other random virus. I'm still staying put and not seeing anyone for awhile, just in case, but I'm pretty sure I'd be getting worse instead of better so quickly if I had COVID-19. 

I don't really have a problem with staying home- I'm a homebody anyway. I don't really like working from home, because I like keeping home life and work life separate, but I really don't do anything on a regular basis that I can't do anywhere that has a working internet connection, so it's not a really big deal. I'm also very good at being my own company- I always have been- and just fine with virtual company. Most of my friends are pocket friends at the moment, anyway. So, I'm in a better place than a lot of other people. I feel much safer here in my apartment by myself. I imagine I will get cabin fever eventually, but I'll deal. 

So, that's what we got here in Ohio. Could be worse. 

Got an email from my pharmacy saying my inhaler would be $300 and was I sure about that? 

Called the insurance company. Come to find (and this did not seem to be explicitly stated in the sign up information) that my insurance will only pay for one (1) 30 day supply at a pharmacy other than CVS or mail order through them, and then it goes to effectively full price. 

 I've been using a pharmacy that packages up your meds for individual days, so I don't have to deal with pill boxes, etc. It's been a total game changer in managing my meds and has worked really, really well for me for about three years now. 

So now, I get to completely dismantle how I deal with my meds so I can get them at CVS, which is probably my least preferred pharmacy (because I do not trust the insurance mail order system- they have screwed me over before). This adds multiple layers of things I now need to deal with that I have not had to be dealing with because I was using a pharmacy with a model that worked WITH my ADHD instead of against it. 

This is not the end of the world- I've managed my meds on my own before and I can do it again. I'm just irritated as all hell that I'm going to have to. 

 Ah, yes, the annual blood work. Or, let's see if anything actually looks wrong that could be causing the fatigue, etc. Thus far, no, nothing obvious is wrong. I'm just a tired person, apparently.

Good news is almost everything is completely normal. Electrolytes, liver function, iron storage, CBC, white blood cell count, etc. Red blood cell count was slightly high, but I don't think that's an actual problem. Triglycerides are better than the last time, so that's good. Total cholesterol is slightly high, but the ratio of HDL to LDL is fine, so whatever. No vitamin B12 deficiency. Still waiting on the vitamin D. 

The glucose was a bit high (by current standards. By previous standards, it's still just fine). We also did an A1C, because it was borderline high the last time, too. I'm not real concerned at this point because 1) it's still just barely high. The top of the range is 99 and it was 108. This is not screaming "major insulin resistance issue". 2) I am under a ridiculous amount of stress at the moment and that, combined with my immune system going into panic mode because some trees are fornicating could be affecting things. And 3) the last several non-fasting tests, including one about 6 months ago, have always been low normal, which probably means the A1C will be normal. And if it's not, well, I'll deal. Not the end of the world. I'll be starting to train for a 4 mile race here shortly anyway (race is in October. I have more than enough time, but I want to see if I can increase speed, which means training the endurance part first), so that will most likely take care of any sort of issue, because my blood sugar has been known to *drop like a stone* when I work out. 

So, the fatigue culprits still appear to be depression and chronic pain. Both of which are much more difficult to do something about than a vitamin deficiency, alas. 

Edited, 8:15 pm- damn, the lab is fast- the vitamin D and A1C results just popped up in my email. 

Vitamin D is at 53.8, which is fine- the low end of optimal is 33 and the high end is 100, so right in the middle-ish, apparently 4000 mg/day is the right place to be. 

And! A1C is right in the middle of the range with an average glucose reading of 103. That's the average over the past...two months? Let me go look it up, I don't remember. Three months. What is especially nice about this is I have eaten like complete shit for at least three months, probably more like NINE months and haven't been exercising basically at all. So, if that's what it looks like when I'm living on cereal and candy, I'm in pretty decent shape if I, like, eat some real food and take a walk. Excellent. 

[there is nothing wrong, of course, with being diabetic. My dad is diabetic. My grandparents were diabetic. My aunt and my cousin tend towards higher blood sugars. These are all some of my most favorite people. Chances are very high that at some point in my life I will develop type 2 diabetes, given the strong genetic link. I'm trying to postpone that as far as I can because 1) I already have multiple chronic illnesses and I really don't need to deal with another for as long as possible, 2) I absolutely loathe finger-sticks, so testing my blood sugar multiple times a day makes me vaguely queasy, and 3) my disordered eating history (and present, see above about cereal and candy) make diet adjustments very difficult because being "good" tends to kick off my orthorexic/anorexic tendencies and my God, I can do without that right this minute. So I'm going to continue to be pretty happy that we're still kicking the can down the road, so to speak.] 

 So, things are progressing. I have a temp job (i.e., income) for the rest of March and probably all of April (my assignment says 60 days, but that's never a guarantee when you're a contractor). It's actually a pretty nice gig- it's right up the street from my apartment (about 8ish minutes driving, but more like 5 if I don't hit the lights on red), I get done at 4, and I 100% do not need to think about any aspect of what I am doing when I am not physically doing it. I don't even have a phone. The work is interesting for the moment, since I'm learning it and probably around about the time it gets less interesting and more tedious, I'll be moving on anyway. Quite honestly, if it weren't for the fact that I'm not quite making enough money to take care of everything that needs taking care of, I would totally not mind doing this sort of thing for a year. It's kind of a relief after six years of constant pressure. 

I do have a phone interview for a permanent position on Tuesday. I managed to get them to schedule it during my lunch, so what will happen is I will scoot home about 15 minutes before the interview time, do the interview, which should take about 30 minutes, then scoot back over to work and hopefully be on time (I don't think anyone's actually paying that much attention so long as what I put in the time sheet is correct, so if I'm a touch late, probably no one will care). It is really nice, though, that I can do the phone interview at home, where I can pace around and be comfortable in my surroundings. The job sounds promising (although the commute would be fairly crummy and I am absolutely not moving closer to that side of town because it's really far away from everything else in my life, so no), so we'll see. 

So, income is good, and I'm okay. Tired and cranky about the time change- how is it that I get so very screwed up by the time change when I don't have any sense of time anyway is completely beyond me- but I'm okay. 

 Mini-crisis averted. Dad is loaning me the money to get a Chromebook, which can run Office 365. I do pretty much everything online anyway. So, I will have a laptop in hand (for less than $250) Thursday. Which goes a long way towards making him feel better about tanking my laptop and makes me feel somewhat less anxious. 

I managed to be awake by 8, but not exactly out of bed. But better than yesterday.  

Spent a couple hours at the library re-working my Linked In profile and general resume. It's with my brother to look at. Then came home and looked at job boards for another couple hours. I didn't quite make 6 hours- I tried to clean the bathroom and my back and either my obliques or the intercostal muscles between my ribs started spasming and the only way I could get them to stop was to lie down, so I did. But did not fall asleep- read one of my Read Harder Challenge books instead. 

I definitely had breakfast, lunch, and dinner today, though \o/

So, call it about 4.5 out of 6? Improvement. 

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my work bestie and I also have therapy. Goal for tomorrow is to write cover letters for three job postings. I detest cover letters, but, well, needs must. 

 Today I actually left the house twice- I went to pick up groceries and then went out again later in search of new gloves and to exchange the shampoo I bought at Whole Foods (I have no idea what was in it, but it made me itchy before I even got out of the shower, so clearly, something in there was no good). It's cold again today- went from 60 F to 25 F in less than 24 hours- so all of this was with a headache and vaguely irritable/unwell feeling. 

I also unsubscribed to the email job alerts I had set up because they were just overwhelming me. There were too many emails. So it may mean sifting through the job sites more, but that's more manageable than general panic when I look at my inbox. 

So, one week down. I'm doing okay. Starting to get slightly bored, which was part of the point of this week, since it will be easier to be productive next week if I got the decompressing out of my system before then. Jumping right into productivity would have been setting myself up to fail, because I would have just gotten all defiant about it. Because I'm apparently really 8 years old.