Lucy's Library

So, I read a drabble today that's the morning after G Callen and Tony DiNozzo have what is probably a one night stand. Now, those aren't two characters I really see getting together- I suspect they'd circle each other like wary cats more than anything else. But the point of the drabble was the similarities between G and Tony, specifically identity issues. Which made me think that no, I don't think the author is quite right. They are likely right about G's identity issues- the guy's got several, and I'd tend to agree that it's entirely possible that G got into law enforcement originally partly because it told him who the good guys and who the bad guys are and gave him an identity as one of the good guys. Even now, sometimes it seems like he needs that reminder.

But they had similar identity issues for Tony, and that's where I think the comparison falls off the rails a bit (I do think there's some similarities between G and Tony- they mention lousy childhoods, and that's definitely true. There's also the charm assault they can both bring to bear). But the real thing about Tony, I think, is that he knows who he is. He just doesn't like himself. At all. It's a combination of having incredibly low self-esteem (even if he portrays just the opposite) and almost certain clinical depression. It's not quite the same thing to not want to be who you are as opposed to not quite knowing who you are.

I'm not trying to rip on the author of that drabble- it was a good drabble, actually, and there's no requirement that everyone in fandom has to have the same perspective or agree completely on characterization. It just struck me as an interesting distinction and I was still thinking about it like 8 hours later, so I thought I'd explore it some.

I've been chewing on a lot of thinking about gender and femininity and gender expression for the past while. It was definitely sparked by some really awesome gender-swap SG-1 fic by synecdochic and ivorygates that I stumbled upon last summer. And it was furthered by reading a lot of discussions on feminist, Size Acceptance and queer-identified blogs. Basically, I've spent a good chunk of the last year learning about intersectionality. So, I'm pretty well just thinking out loud here, because my brain is all revved up with this and how it applies to me and who I am. Which sounds insanely pretentious of me, but I figure at least I'm spewing on about it in my space and not someone else's comment section, right?

( Anyway, feel free to skip as you like. As I said, I'm just being rambly )