Fic: Engraved Invitations (CSI:Miami) 3/3

[miss_lucy21]

Chapter 7

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I just want you to understand
That I know what all the fighting was for
And I just want you to understand
That I'm not angry anymore
I'm not angry anymore

“Angry Anymore”, Ani DiFranco

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“Thanks for picking me up,” Matt said, smiling tiredly as they pulled up outside of the house.

“No problem,” Tim said.

“Good Lord,” Calleigh said as she looked around at all the cars. “Did they invite the Chinese Army?”

Matt laughed. “No, it’s just the family. We take up this much space all the time. You get used to it.”

“Have you guys had to move to a second pew at Mass yet?” Tim asked as they got out of the car.

“Not quite yet, since Kelly and Sara are away at school. But the babies are really starting to get big and there’s a couple cousins who are getting too old for the Kid’s Liturgy and if Jen marries the guy she’s seeing and they stick around, we might have to. It’s starting to get a bit crowded,” Matt replied as he opened the door. “Hey, we’re home!”, he yelled.

“Matthew! How’s my guy?” a tall man wearing a clerical collar asked, jumping up from the chair he’d been sitting in.

“Hey, Uncle Chris!” Matt exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were coming out.”

“I couldn’t manage to make the meet, but they let me slip away for the party, which is the more important part anyway,” Chris replied. “They tell me you did great!”

Matt shed his jacket and held up the medal he still had around his neck. “Second place!”

“Atta boy!” Chris said. He glanced beyond Matt and said, “Well, look who’s here!”

“Hi, Uncle Chris,” Tim said, shyly.

“Well, hello there, Timothy,” Chris said, smiling. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, all right,” Tim said. He was never exactly sure how to answer that question. Especially right now.

“Ah!” his mom said, coming into the room. “There you are! Matt, take your bag and go up and tell your dad you’re home, he’s up showing off something in the study to Kevin and Bryan,” she directed. A loud squall caught their attention. His mom sighed and said, “Christopher, make yourself useful and find out what’s going on down there, would you please? Calleigh, come on with me, I’ll get you introduced around,” she said, with a wink at Tim.

“Yes ma’am,” Chris said, heading for the basement stairs. Matt headed up the stairs to drop his bag and find his dad. Calleigh shrugged at Tim and followed Melissa into the kitchen, leaving Tim standing in the living room by himself. The house was full of noise and people, but the living room was quiet for the moment. He pulled his coat off and turned around and noticed someone sitting in the rocking chair next to where Chris had been sitting when they walked in.

“Hello, Nana,” he said, gently, walking over and kneeling down in front of the chair. He wasn’t quite sure what to expect. He knew she’d had a stroke a few years previously, but he wasn’t entirely clear as to the extent of how it had affected her.

The older woman smiled at him, recognizing him instantly. “My Timothy,” she said, reaching out to touch his face. He tried not to wince away as she traced the scar on his jaw. “So beautiful, my Timothy,” she said. “You have come home?”

“Just for a visit,” he said. “I came to see Matt swim.”

“Good. He is good,” she said. “I am glad to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you too, Nana,” he said, softly.

“Nana! Nana!” a chorus of voices sounded behind him, and he moved back to allow the smaller children a chance to hug their grandmother. She was instantly involved with them, and he climbed to his feet and moved away, drifting down the hall to the TV room.

“Oh, Tim, it’s great to see you,” someone he didn’t quite recognize said, grabbing his arm in the hallway and shoving a baby at him. “Could you just hold her a moment, for me? I’ve got to take care of something in the kitchen.” She was gone in a whirlwind, leaving him with the baby before he could even acknowledge that she’d said anything, let alone protested it.

He sighed and looked down at the baby. She snuggled into his arms and giggled up at him. “Well, I guess you don’t forget how to hold babies, either,” he said, hefting her into a more comfortable position. “I’m your cousin Tim, I suppose.” The baby didn’t answer, not that he had expected her to, since she didn’t seem to be more than 6 months old. Shrugging, he continued down the hall and sat down on the couch in the TV room. Kids ran through laughing and yelling, and every so often he heard and adult admonish someone for not looking where they were going. There was a brightly colored baby toy on the coffee table and he gave it to the baby in his lap, who certainly seemed to know what to do with it.

“There you are,” Matt said, coming into the room and plopping down on the couch next to him. “Hiding?”

Tim shrugged. “Holding a baby for someone. I don’t suppose you know who I’ve got here?”

“That’s Molly. Bryan and Sophie’s youngest,” Matt said, reaching out to poke at the toy and make it squeal, much to Molly’s delight.

“That was Sophie?” he said, blinking. “I didn’t even recognize her.”

“Well, given that you last saw her when she was maybe 25, I’d say that’s somewhat reasonable. I imagine it’s harder to recognize the various spouses,” Matt mused.

“I guess,” Tim said. “I don’t remember you being born, sweetie,” he said to the baby in his lap.

“Last October,” Matt said. “From what I understand, you weren’t in much condition to be paying attention.”

“Not exactly, no,” he admitted. “What’s she make, five?”

“Yup. Bryan seems to be trying to carry on the family tradition,” Matt nodded. “Someone has to, I guess. I think I’m glad Mom and Dad didn’t.”

“Yeah,” Tim said, not mentioning the fact that they might well have tried, and just couldn’t.

“Matt, Matt,” a small whirlwind of pigtails shrieked as she ran towards them, hugging Matt’s legs.

“Hey there, squirt,” Matt said, ruffling her hair.

“Airplane? Please?” she said.

“Oooh, baby, no. Not today. I’m sorry, baby, I just can’t pick you up today. My legs and my tummy are too sore,” Matt replied. “I’ll do it for you next time, ok? I promise.”

“Matt’s got a boo-boo?” she asked.

“Yeah, you could say that,” he said, nodding.

“I kiss and make better,” she said, kissing his legs and scrambling up to plant another kiss on his stomach. “All better?” she asked.

“Much better, yes, but I still can’t do the airplane for you tonight, ok?” he said.

“Ok,” she said, disappointed. She noticed Tim. “Hi!”

“Hi, there,” Tim said.

“My name is Mia, what’s yours?” she asked, bouncing on Matt’s lap. Tim stifled a laugh at the grimace that crossed Matt’s face as she tried to stand on his legs.

“I’m Tim,” he replied.

“I’m three,” Mia said, holding up three fingers.

“Wow. You’re a big girl, then,” Tim said.

“I am!” she said, nodding.

“Mia, come here,” someone shouted from the other room.

“Mia!” she yelled back. “I’m coming!” She slid down Matt’s legs, much to his relief, and started to run off.

“What, no goodbye?” Matt called.

She paused, turned and waved at them. “Bye bye!”

Matt laughed. “Oh, that one is a handful.”

“Carrie’s youngest?” Tim hazarded a guess.

“Yup,” Matt said.

“She looks like her mom,” Tim nodded.

Matt laughed, then winced. “Ow.”

“So, you’re a bit sore?” Tim asked, glancing down as Molly sleepily face-planted against his shirt. He shifted her into a more comfortable position against his chest and she sighed contentedly as she fell asleep.

“God, yes. I haven’t been this sore since I was twelve and learning how to do fly in the first place,” Matt groaned.

“Well, you worked hard,” Tim said.

“Seriously,” Matt sighed. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you something, while I had you here.”

“Oh?” Tim asked, raising his eyebrows at his brother. He couldn’t say he was entirely surprised. He and Matt should probably really have a talk, but he wasn’t going to bring it up if Matt wasn’t.

“Yeah. Well, I got a full scholarship offer from the University of Miami last week,” Matt said. “And I’d really kind of like to take it, but I wanted to ask you first. I didn’t want to…I don’t know, horn in on your turf, if you didn’t want me to. But Mom and Dad are really kind of emphatic about me leaving New York entirely for school. They said I can go anywhere so long as it’s not New York and I can do anything I want, but they’d really rather I didn’t study business. Which makes no sense to me, at all. I mean…” Matt trailed off and bit his lip. “I didn’t know how to say this, but, well, you know I kinda want the restaurant, right? I mean, you’ve got first refusal and all, but I didn’t…”

“No,” Tim said, interrupting him, “I know you want the restaurant. It’s all yours, kid. Dad’s known that a long time, he should have told you.”

“I guess they sort of did, but I wasn’t sure,” Matt admitted. “So, ok, then, but why do they want me to go so badly?”

Tim sighed and closed his eyes. This was going to take a fair amount of explaining and he wasn’t sure if he was up to it, but it was so important that it didn’t matter how he felt. “Are you up for a bit of a walk?” he asked, opening his eyes.

Matt looked confused at the apparent change of subject. “Yeah, I can do that. But…”

“I’m going to answer your question,” Tim assured him. “I just don’t want to do it here in the middle of the house with just about every person we’re related to hanging around.”

“Ah,” Matt said as understanding dawned. “I see.”

“Yes,” Tim said. “So go tell Mom that we’re going to slip out a bit, and see if you can find this one’s mom or dad and let them know that I put her down in the Pack’nPlay, ok?” he said, nodding down at the sleeping baby in his lap.

“Sure,” Matt said, hauling himself up from the couch. “Meet you by the door.”

“Good plan,” Tim said, standing up carefully so as not to jostle the baby. He laid her down slowly in the playpen and straightened up with a suppressed sigh that she didn’t wake. Well, if you were the youngest of this mass of humanity, you’d have to be used to getting handed off to random people and falling asleep wherever you were, he supposed.

He pulled his parka on as Matt came up to get his own coat. “Mom says dinner is in an hour and a half, so don’t go too far.”

“We’re not going too far,” Tim said. “There’s something I want to see.”

“No problem,” Matt said as they walked out of the house.

It was dark already, and the snow crunched under their feet as they walked down the side of the driveway. Neither of them said anything as they walked up to the main road. Tim paused a moment at the corner and nodded to himself. It wasn’t too bad out, and it was barely 6 blocks. He turned right and kept going.

A few blocks later, he broke the silence to point at a small apartment building. “We used to live there,” he said.

“Yeah?” Matt asked. “I didn’t know that.”

“Long before you were born. We moved closer to the school when I started kindergarten,” Tim said.

“Huh,” Matt said.

They fell silent again as they walked another couple of blocks. The church loomed up ahead and Tim turned into the lane beside it to reach the back. And then stopped suddenly as an empty space greeted him, instead of the swingset he’d remembered. “They took out the swings?” he asked, blinking.

“Oh, yeah, last year. They were getting rusty, and they had to come down. They had to pull down the wooden playground, too. We’re using this year’s diocese money to replace them this summer.”

“Oh,” Tim said in a small voice. The swings had been what he’d wanted to see. They’d been the first place he’d run away to, and he wanted Matt to understand that.

“We could go inside to talk,” Matt suggested, nodding over at the church. “Youth Group doesn’t start for another two hours, and there’s plenty of places to sit down in the room there.”

“Sure,” Tim said, since he was starting to shiver. It was colder than he’d thought.

They slipped into the darkened church and down the back staircase. Matt was leading the way, but Tim was half-surprised to realize he knew exactly where everything was. The kitchen, the big meeting room, the smaller rooms for CCD classes, the long hallway lined with choir robes. Everything just the same. The more things were the same, he found, the more comforting it was.

Matt opened the door to a room full of beanbag chairs and ratty couches. “Here we go,” he said, flicking on the lights and slumping down onto one of the beanbags. Tim dropped down on another bean bag next to him. “So, then.”

“Right,” Tim said. “Well, ok, tell me this. How much do you know about what happened with Mom and Dad and me before you came around?”

“More than Mom and Dad probably think, but not enough to really understand,” Matt said. “I think it’s not that they don’t want me to know, though. I think it’s that they don’t know how to tell me.”

“That’s exactly it,” Tim said, slightly relieved that Matt had figured that part out. “Good. Well, ok, then, I guess I ought to begin at the beginning. Except…well, ok, the beginning is kind of complicated, and I’m sorry if you didn’t know, but…”

“I know Mom isn’t your mother,” Matt interrupted. “It’s Marianne.”

“Oh, good,” Tim said, extremely relieved. That had not been how he’d wanted to start that conversation.

“Yeah, they told me when I was about 10 and overheard someone say something about Dad’s first wife,” Matt explained.

“I imagine that was a bit disconcerting,” Tim said, wondering if Matt also knew that Dad wasn’t Mom’s first husband, either. He certainly wasn’t going to get into that right now, though. It wasn’t really relevant to this discussion, since her first husband had been dead for more than thirty years.

“A bit. They said they had been planning to explain it to me at some point, so then was as good as a time as any, though,” Matt said. “Anyway, I know that much.”

“Do you know what happened with Marianne?” he asked.

“Sort of. She got sick?” Matt asked.

“Yeah. Well, ok, here’s the short version,” he said. “Dad and Marianne ran away from Syracuse shortly before their senior year of high school. They went to New York, got married and Dad joined the army. He was injured in an accident during a training session about five months after he got out of basic and was medically discharged. They were living in California, since that’s where Dad was station, so they decided to try and stay there when he got out. Marianne wound up getting pregnant at about the same time. After I was born, she went into a major post-partum depression and almost killed the both of us. She was eventually admitted to the state hospital, and when that happened, she’d had to sign away her parental rights to me. Dad didn’t have very many options, since he had me, so he moved back to Syracuse because Papa said he’d give him a place at the restaurant. It wasn’t clear whether Marianne was ever going to get out of the hospital at that point, so Dad came home with me. When Marianne did get out of the hospital, they got divorced because she just couldn’t handle things.”

“Wow,” Matt said. “I didn’t know all that.”

“Yeah, it’s not something that gets talked about a whole lot,” Tim said.

“So Mom and Dad met after he came back to Syracuse?” Matt asked.

“No, they’ve known each other forever. They grew up together. Mom had gone away for awhile, but had come back to Syracuse. She needed something to do, and Dad needed some help, so she started helping out with me. She moved in shortly thereafter, I guess. I don’t remember them ever not being together,” Tim explained.

Matt was quiet a moment. “Ok, so because they left, they want me to have the chance to leave?” he asked.

“Partly. But mostly it’s to do with me,” Tim admitted.

“Ahhhh,” Matt said. “I kind of thought so. Most things wind up having to do with that eventually.”

Tim cringed. “I…I never meant it to be that way.”

“I know,” Matt said, waving his objections away. “Don’t worry about it. So, when you left, you didn’t come back.”

“No,” Tim said. “I didn’t. And, well, none of us handled that very well. I certainly could have handled that better.”

“How?” Matt asked incredulously. “Tim, I may not really remember all that went down back then, since I was still pretty little, but the impression I’ve gotten from Mom and Dad and several other people was that you were so messed up that there’s no way you could have been thinking straight. It does not sound like you intentionally ran away and didn’t call anyone for 18 months, from what I understand.”

“Well, there has to have been a better way to have handled it than I did,” Tim said.

“Probably,” Matt shrugged. “I mean, I’d like to think I wouldn’t have done it that way, but who knows? Maybe I would have.”

“Mmm,” Tim said. “Anyway, Mom and Dad also admit they should have done things differently once I resurfaced. See, the thing is, they kind of forgot what it was like to need to get out. They came back, and even though they did that because they were kind of forced to by circumstances, eventually, they were glad they did. They forgot how they wanted to leave in the first place and thought I should come back, too. Problem was, once I’d gotten a bit sorted out, I knew there was no way I could. Not then. Well, not now, either. It wasn’t you guys. It was never, ever you, Matt. Never the family. I just…I just didn’t fit here, and well, it’s better for me not to try,” he said, finally. “And you should probably hate me for doing that the way I did.”

“I used to be very angry with you,” Matt admitted after a moment. “You have to understand, from my point of view, you left, and then all you were good for was making Mom and Dad upset. Anytime they called or you called, there was just a mess.”

“Yeah,” Tim said. “I was a mess, too.”

“Sure, but I didn’t know that. And I wasn’t quite old enough to figure that out, either. But then, one day I spouted off about you to Lisa- she and George used to look after me, did you know that?”

“Yeah,” Tim said, nodding. “I’d figured.”

“Ok, well, anyway, I was angry with you and just upset about the whole thing and I said so to Lisa. And well, she just looked at me and said, Oh, Matt, you have no idea. Which certainly didn’t help matters, but then she said something that really kind of stuck with me. She said, Matthew, you have to understand that you are the beneficiary of Tim’s experience. And then she explained some things, about how things were really unstable when you were growing up, what with the restaurant and Papa getting sick and Mom and Dad having to help take care of all of Dad’s siblings and you skipping grades and always being the youngest and how Mom and Dad were really awfully young when you were born. And that because you guys had lived through all of that, things were a lot better and a lot easier for me when I was a kid. And now, even, really. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it stuck with me and I kept thinking about it, and she’s right. I got to have a calmer life because you didn’t. And then, I got old enough to understand what happened with the accident and when Jason died, and well, I just couldn’t be angry anymore,” Matt said.

“Oh,” Tim said, in a small voice.

“I’m the beneficiary of your experience,” Matt said. “It’s not fair, and I’ve got no right to be angry.”

“You really do,” Tim sighed.

Matt shrugged. “But I don’t think I do. And that’s really what matters, isn’t it?”

Tim nodded. “I suppose it is.”

“Well, all right, then. I’m not angry at you. No one is, really,” Matt said. “So stop being angry at yourself.”

Tim didn’t answer him. Matt sighed. “Ok, fine, don’t stop, but seriously, none of the rest of us are angry, ok? At least get that through your head, ok?”

“Ok,” Tim said. They were quiet a moment. “When the hell did you get to be a grownup?”

Matt laughed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s easier to be a grownup about all this since I didn’t live it. It’s like how when you read history books, you can see the whole situation, when people at the time couldn’t. There’s a word for that, but I can’t think of it right now,” he said.

“Perspective,” Tim said.

“Yeah, that’s it. Perspective,” Matt said, nodding. “Anyway, I think I maybe have more of that.”

“Entirely possible,” Tim sighed. “Anyway, so to answer your original question from way back, no, I don’t mind at all if you come to Miami. If that’s what you want.”

“I think I do. I liked it when we visited. And, well, while I kinda get why they want me to leave now, I’m kinda scared,” Matt admitted. “I like it here. I like having everyone around. I don’t think I really want to go off somewhere where I don’t know anyone at all. That’s kinda scary.”

“It is,” Tim agreed. “It really is.”

“So, if I go to Miami, at least you’re there. Even if I don’t see you all the time,” Matt said.

“I’d be there if you needed someone,” Tim said, nodding.

“Exactly,” Matt agreed.

“It makes perfect sense to me,” Tim said.

“Ok, good,” Matt said.

Tim’s cell phone rang, startling them both. “Hello?” he said, answering it.

“Hey, there,” Calleigh said. “I’m told by your mom to inform you that dinner is going on the table in about 15 minutes and she’d really like it if her boys were here when that happens, so I hope you didn’t wander too far away.”

“No, no, we’re not too far,” Tim said, scrambling to his feet. He turned and saw Matt’s grimace as he tried and failed to get up. “Do you think you might be up to a really short drive? It’s like 6 blocks and the roads were clear.”

“I think I could do that. Where are you?” she asked.

“The church. St. Anthony of Padua. Go left from the house, then right on the main road, it’ll be about 6 blocks up on the left,” he said, hauling Matt up to his feet.

“Ok, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Calleigh said. “Meet me out front.”

“Will do,” Tim said, hanging up.

“Calleigh’s picking us up?” Matt asked.

“Yeah,” Tim said, stretching his arms in front of him.

“She’s an angel,” Matt sighed.

“I know,” Tim nodded.

“I probably shouldn’t say this,” Matt said, conversationally as they headed up the stairs. “But she really likes you.”

Tim didn’t answer, instead concentrating hard on the pattern of the linoleum under their feet.

“No, really, Tim. You can tell me to go jump off the bridge, but from what I’ve seen and heard, interpersonal communication and relationships are not your strongest suit,” Matt said, dryly. “And, well, it’s clear you like her. And it’s clear you haven’t exactly told her that. I’m guessing it’s because you don’t know how, and that’s fine and all, but if you’re holding back because you’re not sure what she thinks, well, let me put your mind at ease on that score. She likes you, but she’s probably only going to be patient with you for so long, you know? And I wouldn’t want you to miss out on something that could make you happy because you didn’t speak up,” Matt said.

“I’ll…bear it in mind,” Tim said, finally as they walked outside.

“Good. You’re making it harder than it needs to be, y’know?” Matt said, as Calleigh pulled up across the street.

“I said I’d think about it,” Tim said, carefully not putting any real heat behind the words.

“Ok, ok,” Matt said, holding his hands up as they walked across the street. “Calleigh, you’re fabulous,” he said, getting in the car.

She laughed. “Aren’t I, though? What were you boys doin’?”

“Talking,” Tim shrugged, climbing into the car.

“Well, your mom is ready to go, so we’d better get back,” Calleigh said, turning the car around to retrace their route.

When they walked into the house, they were greeted by one the little kids who’d been running around screaming earlier. Tim was fairly sure his name was Jake. “Aunt Melissa says it’s dinner time! Come ON!” Jake said, waving his arms at them.

Tim pulled his coat off and studied the small child in front of him. “She said, that, did she?”

“Yeah, she says if we don’t come on, it won’t be hot and you’ll be in trouble,” Jake nodded.

“Ah,” Tim said. “Well, then I guess I can’t get in too much trouble if I do this”, he said, reaching out to grab up Jake and tickle him, turning him upside down.

“Ahhhh! Mommy!” Jake yelled, laughing hard enough to make it clear he wasn’t really protesting. “Tim got me!”

Tim laughed as he carried Jake down the hall to the dining room. All of a sudden, he felt like he was home.

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Chapter 8

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I don’t know where I am,
I don’t know where I’ve been,
But I know where I want to go.

So I thought I’d let you know,
These things take forever,
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you,
And I wondered if I could come home

“First Day of My Life,” Bright Eyes

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“Ah,” Tim sighed as he dropped onto the couch, lifting his feet up onto the coffee table. Cider jumped into his lap. “Did you miss us?” he asked the cat, as he scratched behind her ears.

“I think they did,” Calleigh said, plopping down next to him, and reaching out to give Cider a scratch as well.

“Next time we do that, we take the train. I don’t care if it takes an extra three days,” he mumbled leaning his head back. “Or we can drive. I don’t want to see another plane for a very long time.”

Calleigh laughed. “But you were such a trooper,” she said.

“Mmph.” he said. He turned his head to look at her. She was smiling at him as she reached up to let her hair down from the ponytail she’d put it in this morning. “Thank you for going with me,” he said, finally.

“Oh, you’re welcome. I had a good time. And it was kind of neat to see snow near my birthday,” she said.

“Good. I was hoping my family wouldn’t scare you too much,” he joked.

“I liked your family. There’s certainly a lot of them, but they were all very nice,” she replied.

“Mmm,” he said. They were quiet a moment. He scratched Cider’s ears more. Suddenly, before he was even quite aware he was talking, he said, “Everyone thought you were my girlfriend.”

Calleigh stiffened almost imperceptibly next to him. “I noticed. I also noticed you didn’t exactly correct them,” she said, slowly.

He looked at her again. She had a pleasant, slightly welcoming expression on her face, but he could see something that was maybe a bit of stifled hope in her eyes. “You didn’t, either.”

She shrugged. “I couldn’t be sure I was reading them right. They’re your family.”

“True,” he said. He didn’t know what to say next. Hell, he didn’t know why he’d even brought it up. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He had to say something. Matt was right. But what do I say? he thought. Calleigh was beginning to look slightly resigned and he had to fight back a wave of panic and sadness. He was doing that to her. It wasn’t fair. And he did want her… “I…I’m…oh, hell,” he said. “I’m no good at this,” he admitted, finally.

She smiled at him with a raised eyebrow. Her expression had shifted again and was now a mix of exasperation and affection. “Can I help you out?” she asked, moving in closer.

“Um…” he said, unsure of what she meant. He didn’t have to wonder long. She ducked in and kissed him soundly.

He froze, startled, but his body took over for his frantic mind and kissed her back before he wrestled himself back and pulled away. “Uh,” he said. Oh, brilliant. Idiot.

She sat back, and looked a bit worried. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t…”

“No! No, um. I just…I don’t…Uh…” he stammered. “Why!”

“Why what?” she asked, frowning with confusion.

“Why me?” he asked. “I mean, I’m…you’re…I don’t…you’re wonderful and you’re smart and beautiful and funny and just, I don’t know, great. And I’m well, not. I’m a pain in the ass, and I’m just plain…broken. I don’t…you shouldn’t…” He stopped suddenly as she put a finger on his mouth.

“Shh,” she said, looking like she’d just had an epiphany. “Don’t talk a moment.”

“Ok,” he said, disobeying.

She laughed. “Oh, Tim. I’ve known you for five years, right?” He nodded. “And we’ve been friends at least four of those years. I’ve been living with you for six months.”

“I know,” he said. “Which is why…”

“No, don’t talk,” she said, putting her finger back on his lips. “Let me finish. Listen to me.” He nodded and she continued. “What I’m trying to tell you is that I know you pretty damn well by now. I’m well aware how much of a pain in the ass you can be, believe me. And I know you’re a smart-ass. But I also know you’re a voracious reader. I know you can’t sit still to save your soul. I know you’re brave, you’re funny, and you’re kind, even when you don’t think you are. I know your family. I know you hate winter, even in Miami, and I know why. I know you have more blankets on your bed than any one person in Miami, Florida needs. I even know you hum when you brush your teeth,” she said, laughing.

“I do not,” he said, half-indignantly.

“Yes, you do, Tim,” she said, still laughing a bit. “You hum “This Land is Your Land” while you brush your teeth. I have no idea why, but I’ve heard you do it many, many times.”

“It’s so you know you brushed them long enough,” he muttered, blushing a bit. “The dentist when I was a kid said that.”

She laughed again. “Oh, that’s too funny. Now I’m wondering if there’s an entire generation of people from Syracuse who hum while they brush their teeth.” He squirmed, and folded his arms across his chest. “Ok, well, that’s not really the point right now. The point is, I know you. I know all these things about you. And I love you because of them, not in spite of them.”

“But…” he said.

“No buts,” she said. “I’m not perfect, Tim. I’m stubborn and I’m cheerful even when I know it’s annoying. Actually, sometimes I do it just to annoy the hell out of you, because it’s funny. I half enable my father when he’s drinking. I talk back to my mother. I get prickly at work when people think I can’t do my job because I’m this tiny little blond chick. You can’t think that I’m perfect, and you can’t use that for why you can’t say you like me. Because I’m not perfect. And you’re not perfect. And I like you plenty anyway. You’re just going to have to trust me that you’re worth it, ok? Because I think you are completely worth it, and I’ve always thought that.”

“I am?” he asked, looking at her with wide, scared eyes.

“You are entirely worth it. Every minute,” she said, putting her hand on his chest. “I believe that with everything I am.”

He blinked at her. “I don’t know what to say. I’m not very good at this.”

“I know,” she said, nodding.

“I’m not very good at any of it,” he said, half warning her.

“That’s ok. We’ve got all the time in the world to practice,” she said. “And I think you can be better at it than you think you are. All of it. You just need to let go and trust me. Can you do that?” she asked.

“I…I think so,” he said.

“Good,” she said.

This time when she leaned in to kiss him, no one pulled away.

End