Fic: Falling Down (CSI:Miami) 1/3
Jul. 4th, 2006 09:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miss_lucy21Falling Down
Disclaimer: I own nothing connected with CSI:M. If you recognize it from your teleivision set, it's not mine. If you don't recognize it from TV, it is mine.
Order of Operations: Blind Memory, The Edge of Darkness, All These Things, Thrill of Hope, Engraved Invitations, Making Reservations.
Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?
Do you sleep, do you count sheep anymore?
Do you sleep anymore?
“Do You Sleep,” Lisa Loeb
“Lord, what a day,” Calleigh said as she walked into the house.
“Bad day?” Tim asked from where he was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back against the couch, doing homework on the coffee table.
“You look like you’re about 14 when you do your homework like that,” Calleigh said, smiling. She walked over and kissed the top of his head as she sat down. “No, it wasn’t really bad. Just very long. Court took forever, and I never got back to the lab until about 4:30, so I had to cram an entire day’s worth of work into about four hours. Have you eaten dinner?”
“Yeah, sorry. I got hungry around 7, and you said you’d be late,” he said, leaning his head back against the couch to look at her.
“No, not a problem. I’ll scrounge something up in a minute, unless you left me leftovers?” she asked.
“Of course,” he said. “They’re in the blue Tupperware in the fridge. Pasta.”
“Mmm, yummy,” she said. “Have you been doing homework all day? No, wait, it looks cleaner in here, somehow. What the hell am I saying?” she laughed. “Lord, I can tell when it’s cleaner in here. I must be going crazy,” she teased.
“Humph,” he said, but he was smiling. “Yes, I cleaned house. And did homework. And saw Andy. So, uh, I don’t think I’m going to be going to bed tonight.”
“What?” she asked, frowning. “What do you mean?”
“Well, he took me off the sleeping pills. So I’m probably not going to be able to sleep tonight. Or tomorrow,” he explained, watching her expression shift from confusion to concern. “Cal, it’s ok, really. It’s rebound insomnia, it happens. Andy thinks I’ll be fine after the first couple of days.”
“Yeah, but you won’t get any sleep,” she said. “I know how you get when the insomnia hits.”
“It’s really ok, Calleigh,” he assured her. “I’ve done this before. It’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”
She snorted. “Right. And what happens when you’re still not sleeping after three days?”
He shrugged. “Cross that bridge when we get there, I guess. I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think it’ll be fine. I did sleep before all this. I slept more than not, most of the time. Just not for quite so long as most people.”
“What’s ‘not so long as most people’ mean?” she asked, warily.
He sighed. “Somewhere between 4 to 6 hours.”
“Tim!” she said. “That’s not enough sleep!”
“It is for me,” he said. “Really. That was normal for probably nearly 20 years.”
“No wonder you get so much done,” she said. “You’ve got all these extra hours to fill.”
“I guess,” he shrugged. “But, well, you sleep more than me.”
“There’s a switch,” she sighed. “We’ll figure something out.”
“I just don’t want you losing sleep because of me,” he said.
“Too late,” she said, ruffling his hair.
He stuck his tongue out at her. “Go eat, will you?”
“Yes, sir,” she said, smiling. “I’m going to change and all first.”
“Fine,” he said, turning back to his homework.
Calleigh reentered the room a little while later, looking much more comfortable. She sat back down on the couch with her bowl of pasta. “So, do you want me to stay up with you?”
“No, of course not,” he said, looking up at her. “You need to sleep. No sense in us both being tired.”
“Tim, part of being a partner means you share stuff like this,” she sighed. He’d come a good long way in the past four months in terms of figuring out how to be in a relationship, but every so often, she still had to remind him he wasn’t alone anymore.
“I know. But you don’t need to share my insomnia. That wouldn’t be good for you,” he said.
“All right,” she said, resignedly. “Will you at least come to bed for a little while?”
“I don’t think what you have in mind is going to work, but you’re welcome to try,” he said, smirking at her.
“Hush, you,” she said, swatting his shoulder. “I wasn’t thinking of doing anything. I’m too tired, even if you aren’t. No, I just didn’t want to fall asleep alone. It’s nicer when you’re there.”
“Then I’ll come to bed with you until you fall asleep. But I probably won’t stay unless I get sleepy. It’s worse to just lie there,” he said.
“Understandable,” Calleigh said. She put the bowl on the coffee table and stretched. “Want to put a movie in?”
“Sure,” he said, standing up and walking over to the cabinet that held the DVDs. “Any requests?”
“Something fun,” she said, stretching out on the couch.
“Ok,” he said. He frowned at the movies, trying to find on they both would like. “Hmm. The Big Lebowski?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said, nodding.
“Allrighty then,” he said. He popped in the movie and went back and sat down on the couch with her feet in his lap.
The next thing Calleigh knew, Tim was shaking her gently. “Hey, you should go to bed,” he said.
“Mmm?” she said, blearily.
“Come on, up you go,” he said, tugging her to her feet. He walked her into the bedroom and tucked her in.
“No, stay,” she said, catching his hand.
“Ok, for a little while,” he said, lying down next to her. She snuggled into him, hoping to lure him into sleep with her, but she drifted off completely before she knew whether she was successful.
The next morning, she found that she hadn’t been. Or at least not entirely. She sighed as she found herself alone in the bed without even a cat for company. “Well, then,” she muttered as she climbed out of bed and went to investigate Tim’s whereabouts.
She found him in the kitchen, working the Sudoku puzzle from the morning paper while he kept an eye on a skillet. “Are you cooking me breakfast?” she asked.
He smiled at her as he looked up. She studied him critically. He needed a shave, as usual, but didn’t seem otherwise too worse for wear. “Figured it was only fair. I don’t guess you really got a good sleep, since you were worried, so I thought a good breakfast might help.”
“It might,” she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee as he bent down to take something out of the oven. She sat down at the table, and he brought her a plate a moment later. “Wait, are these…these are the apple pancakes!” she said. “Your dad’s recipe?”
“Of course,” he said, shrugging as he poured syrup over his plate.
“I didn’t know you knew how to make these,” she said.
“Well, I’ve got to keep some secrets to surprise you with,” he said, shrugging. “It would get really boring around here pretty quickly otherwise.”
She smiled. “I think even if I was with you for a hundred years, I still wouldn’t know all your secrets.”
He looked down at his plate with a strange expression. She bit her lip. She’d meant it fondly, but apparently he hadn’t taken it quite that way. “Thank you for the pancakes,” she said, after a moment, hoping to smooth over whatever was running through his head.
“You’re welcome,” he said, giving her one of the smiles she knew he reserved just for her.
She finished her breakfast and cleared the table for him. “Would you please try and take a nap today?”
He nodded. “If I get tired.”
“Well, ok, on second thought, don’t if you think it would make it harder to sleep tonight,” she said.
“Doesn’t usually matter,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ve got class this afternoon anyway, though.”
“Ok, well, just think about it, ok? I’ll try not to be so late tonight,” she said.
“Ok. I’ll be home probably around 6:30 or so,” he said. “Maybe 7. Depends on how long the lab work takes.”
“Sounds good. I’ve got to get ready to go,” she said, glancing at the clock.
“Go, go. I’m going to run to the store before it gets ridiculously hot out there,” he said, standing up and grabbing his car keys from the counter.
“All right, sweetie. See you later,” she said, kissing him quickly before heading down the hallway to the bathroom for a shower. She really did hope he could sleep today. I don’t know if I can take it if he doesn’t. We’ve been doing so well… she thought. Sighing, she turned on the shower and tried to push her worries away under the spray of water. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to help any, and she had work to do.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Chapter 2
I'm counting on
a heart I know by heart
to walk me through this war
Memories distort
Phone my family, tell them I'm lost
on the sidewalk
and, no, it's not OK
“Kamera”, Wilco
Two days later, Tim was sitting in the lab, trying to ignore a headache in favor of a lab report, when Jack came into the room. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he said, raising his aching head. “What’s up?”
“There’s a motorcycle down in the garage that Horatio says I should take apart and process because it may have been used in a homicide. I’m told you’re the resident expert with such things, so I wondered if you could give me a hand,” Jack said.
“Sure,” Tim said, pushing away from the table. “What kind of bike is it?”
“See, I don’t know from motorcycles, which is why I came to you,” Jack explained.
“Ah. Gotcha. Well, let’s take a look,” he said, following Jack out of the lab.
He yawned as he leaned against the back of the elevator. He really was tired, but his brain just wouldn’t shut up long enough for him to actually fall asleep, even after two days. Calleigh was worried, he knew. He was just irritated.
“You ok?” Jack asked.
“Sure,” he said. “Just kinda tired.” He liked Jack the best of all the new people. Not that Scott and Kiara weren’t perfectly fine people- they were, and he liked them well enough. But Jack had a certain steadiness about him that made him feel more comfortable with him. He reminded Tim a little bit of Sean sometimes; he had a bit of that same calm, “I’m not going to take your nonsense, so you might as well settle down and fly right” air about him. It was an attitude that Tim had sorely needed when he was about 22. It was still a little bit comforting now.
“Ok,” Jack said, nodding. They walked down the hall to the garage. “There it is.”
“Mmm,” Tim said, looking at the bike critically. “Mid-range Harley.”
“Yeah?” Jack said.
“Yeah. Not a piece of crap, but not top of the line either,” he said, walking around it. “Damn, I miss my bike.”
“You had one?” Jack said.
“Have. A Ducati,” he sighed.
“Is that a good bike?” Jack asked.
Tim nodded. “Yup. Built for racing, not cruising like this one is,” he said, wistfully, nodding towards the bike. “Oh, well, maybe in the fall.” Andy refused to let him ride until they had his meds completely stabilized. He had to agree it was a good idea, since the meds made him slightly unsteady on his feet sometimes yet. Balance was a pretty crucial thing when it came to riding. “Horatio and Alexx are just as happy I can’t ride anyway.”
“Bet Calleigh is, too,” Jack grinned.
“Nah, Cal doesn’t care. She’s fine so long as I wear my helmet and don’t do stupid stuff like ride in the middle of a thunderstorm,” Or ride in the middle of the night, he thought. “She can’t really talk, given that her idea of unwinding involves the gun range and high caliber weaponry.” He bent down to look at the engine. “What’s H want us to look for?”
“I’m not really sure. It’s the victim’s bike, and it was at the scene, but I don’t know if it was involved,” Jack explained.
“Hmm,” Tim said. He glanced at his watch. “Well, I’m only here until 12 today. How’s this, I’ll get it taken apart for you and mark anything that looks suspect, and then you can process?”
“Sounds good,” Jack said. “Page me if you get something?”
“Sure,” Tim said, straightening to go find a pair of coveralls.
He had everything taken apart and spread out on a tarp when Calleigh came into the room some time later. “Hey, you’re still here,” she said. “Weren’t you leaving at noon today?”
He blinked up at her. “Yeah, I have an orthodontist appointment. Why?”
“Well, because it’s 1:30,” she said, crouching down next to him.
“Don’t touch, I’m all over grease,” he warned. He looked at his watch. “Damnit.”
“Lost track of time?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he sighed. He started to run his hand through his hair, but stopped.
“Sweetie, it’s ok. You can reschedule the appointment,” she said.
“I know,” he said. “It’s just…”
“I know,” she said, gently. “You’re tired.”
“I am,” he admitted.
“Have you called Andy? Told him what’s happening?” she asked.
“Not yet,” he said.
“Maybe you should,” she said.
“Probably,” he said. “I just want…I don’t know, I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I hate all of this.”
“I know you do,” she said. “I hate it all too.”
“And you’re tired and frustrated too,” he said, nodding.
She laughed. “A little. Not as much as you are.”
“Right,” he said. He closed his eyes for a moment before pushing up to his feet.
“You got the bike all taken apart, why don’t you leave the rest for Jack?” she suggested. “Go on home, since you’re already scheduled off.”
“There’s still stuff upstairs that I was going to come back and do after the appointment,” he sighed.
“You’ll be here tomorrow. Is there really anything that can’t wait until then?” she asked.
He thought a moment. “Probably not.”
“All right then. Go home. See if you can lay down awhile. Everything will look better once you’ve had some sleep,” she said. “I’ll even take a look through the stuff on your desk and see if any of it is something I can take care of for you, ok?”
“Ok,” he sighed. “I’m going to get cleaned up and then I’ll go, ok?”
“Good,” she said. “I’ll see you tonight?”
“Right,” he said. “I’d give you a kiss, but…”
“But you’re all over grease. And since I’d like not to be, I’ll take the intention,” she laughed. “See you later.”
“Bye,” he said, as she walked out of the garage. He sighed. I don’t think this is working out quite the way Andy planned, he thought as he went to wash up in the sink. I’m pretty sure he thought it wouldn’t be this bad. I don’t know what’s going to happen if I don’t get some sleep, but I just can’t keep my eyes shut. The not knowing was the part that scared him the most. He’d been known to do some pretty stupid things when he was tired. And Calleigh didn’t need the extra worry. He sighed again as he went to change out of the coverall and head home. Maybe if he tried again, this time it would work.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Chapter 3
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
“2 AM (Breathe)”, Anna Nalick
“Oh, good, there you are,” Calleigh said as she found Alexx in the lounge.
“Were you looking for me, honey? What’s wrong?” Alexx asked, looking up from her book.
“Nothing, it’s just that Tim’s not sleeping and he’s all upset and irritable and he’s going to make me crazy and I don’t know what to do about it,” she said in a rush as she slumped down in the chair across from Alexx.
“Ah,” Alexx said. “I’d wondered. He’s avoiding me.”
“Of course he is. He doesn’t want anyone to worry about him. He says he’s done this before, but that doesn’t exactly increase my confidence level here. He does really, really stupid things when he’s tired, Alexx. I mean, seriously stupid. It’s like the reasoning part of his brain shuts down. He goes riding late at night. He runs away from home, for God’s sake- the time he left New York? He hadn’t slept in days. It’s a miracle he didn’t kill himself before he got out of the city,” she said. “And I don’t know if I can stop him.”
“He listens to you, Calleigh, even when it seems like he doesn’t,” Alexx assured her. “Really. He probably listens to you more than the rest of us.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure that’s comforting, either,” she sighed. “He’s doing that thing again, where you can just see his brain spinning behind his eyes. I hadn’t noticed that wasn’t happening until it started up again this week. And he’s so restless. He’s never still as it is, but it’s even worse now.”
“Has he talked to his doctor about this?” Alexx asked.
“Not yet, he says,” Calleigh replied, closing her eyes.
“Is he going to?” Alexx asked.
“I don’t know. I suggested that it might be a good idea, but I’m trying to be good about letting him deal with this the way he wants to. Because otherwise, I’d have called Andy about two days ago.” She opened her eyes and looked at Alexx. “I like Andy, I really do. He’s usually very good with Tim and he doesn’t let him get away with stuff. But I think he underestimated Tim’s capacity for understatement with this one. You really have to take anything Tim says about himself and magnify it by at least a factor of two in order to know what he’s really saying. I think in this case, it needed a factor of, like, 10, and Andy missed that. Because if he says it won’t be that bad, you really have to know it’s going to be awful.”
“Right,” Alexx said. “I agree.”
“So maybe there should have been some more instructions involved or something. I don’t know. This was probably going to happen anyway, but that doesn’t make it easier, you know?” She ran her hands through her hair. “And I’m not getting enough sleep, either, because I keep waking up to see if he’s come to bed or not.”
“Sweetie, he’s going to be ok. If you believe that, he’ll believe that, and that will help,” Alexx said.
“Right,” Calleigh sighed.
“Maybe you ought to take a breather,” Alexx suggested.
“What do you mean?” Calleigh asked.
“Stay over with me tonight or something,” Alexx replied.
Calleigh shook her head. “Oh, no. No, no. That would just freak him out more. No, I’m not going to leave him to do this alone.”
“Ok, honey, but I think if you get some rest, that’s going to help the situation,” Alexx said.
“I know. I’m trying. Who knows, maybe he’ll have finally reached the meltdown point tonight and he’ll pass out on the couch. Wouldn’t that be nice?” she sighed.
“It would,” Alexx agreed.
“It’s the pattern, you know,” Calleigh mused. “He doesn’t sleep much or at all for days and then he collapses. I had just hoped to avoid it, I guess.”
“Probably unavoidable, anymore,” Alexx said.
“More than likely,” Calleigh sighed. She looked at her watch. “All right. I have to get back to work. Thanks, Alexx.”
“Anytime, baby. You let me know if I can do anything for you,” Alexx said.
“I will. Thanks,” Calleigh said, getting up and walking out of the room. Alexx was right. She had to trust that it would be ok. But it was getting harder and harder to trust in that.
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Chapter 4
So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache
Heavy on the memory, you need most
Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate
Not without affection, not alone
And instead of wishing that it would get better
Man, you’re seeing that you just get angrier
“Angry”, matchbox twenty
“No,” Horatio said, after taking one look at Tim the next morning. “You’re not staying.”
“I’m fine,” Tim protested.
“You’re not fine. We’ve discussed this, Tim. You are not allowed to be here if you can’t take care of yourself,” Horatio said firmly.
“It’s not my fault! I’d love to get some sleep, but I just can’t,” he said with frustration.
“I understand that,” Horatio said, gently, “but this isn’t a good place for you to be right now.”
Tim bit back his first angry response. And then his second angry response, finally settling on, “Fine.”
“Did you come in with Calleigh?” Horatio asked.
“No. I drove myself,” he said, staring at the wall.
“Why don’t I give you a ride home,” Horatio suggested.
“I can do it myself,” Tim replied, struggling to keep his temper in check. He was just so tired and so frustrated and just plain weary of restrictions and everything.
“Speed, let me take you home,” Horatio said, again.
“I. Can. Do. It. My. Self.” he said, again, through gritted teeth. He wasn’t an invalid, for Christ’s sake.
“All right,” Horatio acquiesced. “Would you please call when you get home so I know you made it all right?”
“Fine,” Tim muttered.
“If you get some sleep tonight and tomorrow night, you can come back Saturday, all right?” Horatio said.
“Fine,” he said. “See you.” He turned on his heel and walked out of the lab before Horatio could say anything else.
By the time he got home, he was seething. He wasn’t even completely sure why he was so angry, but all he wanted to do was pound something. The cats scattered as he stomped into the living room, too wound up to even pause. He paced through the house, angrily hitting his hand against the walls at random.
When that failed to satisfy, he thought briefly about his bike. Calleigh would kill you. And then hide your body. The thought penetrated through the haze and made him stop in the middle of the kitchen. He couldn’t ride. Not keyed up like this. He couldn’t trust himself enough. But he still wanted something to take his frustrations out on. His eyes settled a bag of potatoes on the counter. Mashed potatoes. Good enough.
He scrubbed and peeled potatoes with a vengeance, and then started hacking them up into pieces smaller than they probably needed to be. But the knife felt too good in his hands. He stopped paying attention to anything other than the satisfying way it cut through the potatoes. Everything stopped for a moment and he didn’t know it had happened until the pain finally penetrated.
He’d cut his arm. There was blood running down his hand and he stopped and stared at it in fascination. He had no idea how he’d gone from cutting potatoes to cutting his own flesh, but it had happened.
“Tim?” Calleigh called from the living room. “Are you here?”
He stared at his arm, still disbelieving that it was bleeding.
“Tim?”
He turned around to face Calleigh, and the look of sheer horror on her face was the last thing he saw before collapsing into a boneless heap on the kitchen floor.