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Dec. 26th, 2015 12:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miss_lucy21Playing the "Depression flare or no?" game. I can't tell if this is a Thing, or if I'm just:
- physically exhausted (possible),
- underfed (also possible),
- stressed because work has completely blown up in my face when it's supposed to be the quiet time of the year.
- If it's the weather (it's been raining on and off. And tomorrow we're going to have a 20+ degree temperature drop in the middle of the day. I do better with the weather bouncing around than I did before my surgery, but less pain is not the same thing as no pain).
- Is it the lack of light (I should really get a light box)
- Christmas itself (challenging for a number of reasons)
Or all of the above, or none of the above (not likely), because depression is just like that.
At some point, it doesn't really matter that much why I feel awful and fragile and unsteady. Just the fact that I do is kind of enough. I know it's more or less fixable to some extent (i.e. I can get back to my normal. Not that I can make it go away completely). And probably if I took a deep breath and thought it through, I'd probably know how to fix it or at least start to fix it; this is far from my first rodeo. But right now, the idea of even trying is exhausting.
I see the PDoc on the 6th. We're supposed to be evaluating how well the ADHD meds are working, but I suspect we're going to wind up talking more about the antidepressants. There's room to bump both of them up if need be (I'm on 40mg of the Prozac and 300 mg of the Wellbutrin. The max dosages are 80 and 450, respectively). Or it's time to swap out the Prozac. I don't know. I don't have to know right now- I think this doc is knowledgeable enough that I can probably go in there without a plan, and generally speaking, I'm only a little complicated, not a lot complicated.
- physically exhausted (possible),
- underfed (also possible),
- stressed because work has completely blown up in my face when it's supposed to be the quiet time of the year.
- If it's the weather (it's been raining on and off. And tomorrow we're going to have a 20+ degree temperature drop in the middle of the day. I do better with the weather bouncing around than I did before my surgery, but less pain is not the same thing as no pain).
- Is it the lack of light (I should really get a light box)
- Christmas itself (challenging for a number of reasons)
Or all of the above, or none of the above (not likely), because depression is just like that.
At some point, it doesn't really matter that much why I feel awful and fragile and unsteady. Just the fact that I do is kind of enough. I know it's more or less fixable to some extent (i.e. I can get back to my normal. Not that I can make it go away completely). And probably if I took a deep breath and thought it through, I'd probably know how to fix it or at least start to fix it; this is far from my first rodeo. But right now, the idea of even trying is exhausting.
I see the PDoc on the 6th. We're supposed to be evaluating how well the ADHD meds are working, but I suspect we're going to wind up talking more about the antidepressants. There's room to bump both of them up if need be (I'm on 40mg of the Prozac and 300 mg of the Wellbutrin. The max dosages are 80 and 450, respectively). Or it's time to swap out the Prozac. I don't know. I don't have to know right now- I think this doc is knowledgeable enough that I can probably go in there without a plan, and generally speaking, I'm only a little complicated, not a lot complicated.