NaNo #25 After (NCIS:LA)

[miss_lucy21]

He was sprawled on the bed, with Sam asleep next to him. They'd had sex (if you considered it to be sex without penetration, which he did. He knew some people didn't, and he wasn't sure if Sam was one of those people, but at the moment, it didn't matter). It hadn't been good, precisely- in fact, it had been really kind of horrifyingly clumsy, since both of them had apparently been a little out of practice at doing such things with other men. But they'd both gotten off, and Sam, at least, had seemed to enjoy it. G wasn't sure what he thought about it yet, which was partly why he was still awake. But he felt safe, here in the bed with Sam, and that hadn't been the case for a long time.

The thing was, he didn't have sex. Not as himself. As other people, yes, although not as often as one might think. The last person he'd had sex with (at all) was Kristen, when he'd been Jason Tedrow, and that was over a year ago. The last person he'd even kissed was Kensi, on an op, as a distraction. He used sex as part of his tool kit, as a means of getting what he needed, and usually it wasn't necessary. And when he wasn't on the job, he really didn't think about it that much. Sure, yeah, occasionally his body decided it was ready to go, but he could handle that on his own.

He thought back, trying to figure out when the last time G Callen (who barely existed) had slept with someone. Not anytime while he'd been with NCIS. Not when he'd been with the DEA, or during his stint with the DOD. Or with the FBI or CIA for that matter. And that brought him back 15 years, which was as far back as he was willing to look. He didn't like thinking about things that had happened before that. And anyway, most of what had happened before that point didn't count, like sex on an op didn't count. Most of it had been survival, doing what he'd had to do to get by. Some of it had been done to him, not with him.

He shied away from that thought, clamping down on the sick feeling in his stomach that he got when he thought about it. He took a deliberate, deep breath and started making everything in his head blue, like he was staring up at a cloudless summer sky. Everything else got pushed aside, drifting away like the clouds as he concentrated just on the blue. It was soothing, just staring at the blue, and he did it a lot, when it was late and he was tired, but still not willing to sleep.

Sam shifted next to him, and apparently he must have realized G was still awake, because he rolled up on to his elbow and said softly, "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm good," G said, blinking the blue away and focusing on his partner.

"You sure?" Sam asked, looking a little concerned. "You're ok with what we did?"

G nodded. "I'm ok. I just...haven't. Much."

Sam frowned a little. "With guys, you mean?"

"With anyone," G corrected. "Not as me, anyway."

"Oh," Sam said. He seemed to think about that for a minute, then said, "But it was you tonight, right?"

"Yeah. That was me," G said. He'd concentrated very hard on staying there with Sam and not letting it be someone else. He figured Sam deserved that at the very least.

"Good," Sam said. "'Cause I don't want to sleep with someone else wearing your face."

"Ok," G said. "So, not a one time thing, then?"

"I didn't want it to be," Sam replied. "Unless you did."

"No," G said, slowly. "I don't think I do that." He knew it was kind of ridiculous to not know if you were the kind of guy who did one night stands when you were nearly 40 years old, but well, he didn't know.

"No pressure, G," Sam said, gently. "Never. You don't want to do something, you don't have to do it. If it doesn't happen again, then it doesn't happen, and that's ok. I'd like it to, but if you can't, then you can't."

"I think I can," G said. "I mean, I want to, I just..."

"Then we go slow," Sam said. "Slow is fine. I just want you to be sure and I want it to be you. That's all I ask."

"Ok," G said, nodding. "I can do that, I think."

"Good," Sam said. "Now, how about closing your eyes and getting some sleep. You're wasting the afterglow, you know."

G smiled a little at that. "Yeah, ok," he said. He closed his eyes and felt Sam settle back down next to him as he drifted away.

Comments

[dessert-first.livejournal.com]

Really interesting ideas about G here. I really liked this piece.

[misslucy21.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I find G really intriguing, because he seems to be everyone except who he is, if that makes any sense. And I like poking at him to find out who he is when he's not being someone else. One of these days I'm going to have to put together my personal canon on him.