The problem
Jul. 23rd, 2014 08:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miss_lucy21...with the 16 year old being in charge is that she was profoundly anxious and deeply unhappy. She was in pretty desperate need of 1) some antidepressants and/or some anti-anxiety medication, 2) some congitive behavioral therapy or something similar to give her some coping strategies to deal with the emotionally abusive adults on one side and the sexually harrassing/rape threatening teenage boys on the other side and 3) an ADHD diagnosis which would probably have led to things that would have made some of the anxiety easier (although, the one that really, really needed the ADHD diagnosis was the 7 year old. Whole lot of shit could have been avoided if someone had believed a girl who was considered "gifted" and had no obvious learning disabilities could also have ADHD. Basically, I needed to be 7 about 15 years later than I was actually 7).
I am trying to be very gentle with my 16 year old self right now, because she's trying and it's really not her fault she's here. She's not succeeding, but she's trying. I'd like my 34 year old self to come back, though. She actually manages to like, make lunch and the bed and clean up the apartment. And doesn't impulse buy things.
(This is all probably PMS related, although by the pill schedule, I should have at least another week before that happens. But occasionally, my body has different ideas than the pill schedule in that third month- I take a version that you take continuously for 11 weeks before having the week off for your period instead of for three with one week off. Because my PMS does this sort of shit to me, and I can't deal with this more than once a quarter. When I was doing the monthly type of pill, I was miserable for two weeks out of four, which is Not Okay)
(if the 19/20/21 year old version of me shows up to take charge, I'm done. Seriously done. That version is why I am never stopping my antidepressants and why I identify a little too much with characters that are just a tiny bit self-destructive. Or more than a tiny bit. Yeah. No, thank you)